"Burial By Stomach"
A Trom Girl/Unicorn Team-Up
10/3-10/4/2000
I.
They had been hiking since dawn and, as night fell over the mountains around them, Megan and Ashley were glad to pick a spot for camp. Both girls wore sensible outdoors clothing, sturdy boots and loose trousers and flannel shirts over plain cotton T-shirts. Both were carrying small knapsacks high on their backs. At barely five feet tall and just one hundred pounds, Ashley Whitaker had her platinum blonde hair pulled back in a thick ponytail and was wearing mirrored aviator's sunglasses. She surveyed a round clearing on top of a small hill and made an approving noise.
"It's been an exciting climb so far," she said enigmatically. "At least we know we're in the right area after what happened."
A few inches taller and slightly heavier, Megan Salenger had her tousled black hair tucked up under a baseball cap with the New York Yankees logo on it which she had borrowed from Unicorn. She was wearing polarized glasses which she now pulled up onto her forehead to look around. "This is a suitable site," she agreed in her usual subdued tone. "We passed a stream, so there is potable water at hand."
"Oh, finally!" Unicorn sighed. She shrugged off her knapsack and let it drop to the ground, then sank down on top of it wiggled her feet in relief. "I thought we were going to come out on the other side of the Preserve!"
"That is most unlikely," Megan answered. "The Adirondack Forest Preserve contains more than 2.6 million acres. At the rate we were walking..."
"Trom Girl, stop it!" yelled Unicorn. "It was a figure of speech, okay?"
Megan hesitated before continuing in the same mild voice, "Being raised by the Trom has left me more literal in my reactions than most Humans. I am sorry if that inconveniences you, Ashley."
"Listen, what do you call a dog with no legs?" demanded the blonde with no seeming relevance.
"I do not understand the question."
"The answer is, it doesn't matter, he won't come to you no matter what you call him."
Megan responded with a blank stare.
"Aw, it's not a problem," the blonde girl said as she yanked off her shoes and rubbed her tiny feet. "Come on, Megs, we've been working together for almost a year now. I swear, I will have you cursing and using slang and telling jokes if it's the last thing I do."
The Trom Girl unfastened her own knapsack and lowered it to the ground, herself sitting down to rest beside Ashley. "I will build a small fire. If we are lucky, we will quickly find the killers we are seeking."
"Hah!" Unicorn snorted. "I love your attitude. Deep in the woods on a mountain, hours from any town, we're trying to draw out some no-fooling cannibals. And you say we'll find them right away, 'if we are lucky.'"
Megan Salenger went around collecting rocks of various sizes, arranging them in an open circle and inspecting the results. "It has not rained for at least a week," she said. "We must be careful with a fire, of course, but there is sufficient twigs and dry leaves to serve as tinder."
Tugging her shoes back on so her feet wouldn't swell, Ashley got up and began helping. "I miss my Unicorn horn! I mean, it wouldn't be any use against these creepoids, they don't have gralic powers. But I just don't feel myself without the horn on my back."
"This is acceptable," Megan said, referring to the rocks they had set up with tinder in the center opening. "It would be most expedient to use the thermal beam to start the fire."
"Uh-UH!" Unicorn put in. "No, no, no. Sable said no KDF gadgets, no Trom super-science, none of that stuff. We are supposed to assume we are being watched right now by flesh-eating psychoes. They look at my legs and think, hey that girl has got some nice drumsticks..."
Megan raised one eyebrow at that simile. Unicorn's sense of humor still puzzled her. Taking a mundane cigarette lighter from one pocket, she lit some of the tinder, breathed on it until the fire caught and then started adding larger twigs. Ashley had gathered larger dead branches and stacked them up nearby.
In a low voice, the Trom Girl said, "I do not understand the appeal of this cult we are seeking. Isn't cannibalism one of the strongest taboos in any culture?"
"Yeah, well, you know what they say. If Nature didn't want us to eat other people, why are they made out of meat?" Seeing the horrified expression on Megan's face, Ashley groaned. "It's a JOKE, honey! I swear, I need to ring a bell before every joke or pun or figure of speech with you."
Megan came over and sat down next to the blonde. "I see why Sable teams us up so frequently, then. She wants me to learn colloquialisms from you."
"Also, you desperately need to loosen up a bit. I know you were brought up by a bunch of deadpan scientists, but honestly. Hey, as long as that fire is going, we should grill some meat. I've got this dried jerky in my pack..." Ashley dug around and came up with a vaccuum-sealed packet of prepared meat. "Come on, let's impale it on some sticks. I'm starving."
The Trom Girl joined her in moistening some of the jerkey with water from their canteens and then holding the meat over the flames. "It smells tempting," she admitted. "I did not realize how hungry I was."
"Not as good as human flesh, of course..."
"You are still making cannibal jokes?" the Trom Girl said. "What do you know of this Shiloh Veele person?"
Ashley paused to nibble a bit on the sizzling meat. "Oh, man, all the salt and preservatives! Love it. Yeah, Shiloh Veele. He's the reason this cult is getting some notoriety. He's actually a Hollywood celebrity, maybe not a genuine superstar but certainly well known. And he has been tied up with cannibal rumors for a year now."
The Trom Girl did not comment, being preoccupied with sampling a bite of the sizzling jerky on a stick. She was normally on a strictly planned diet and often seemed eager to find excuses to break her regimen.
"Now, I don't see where he's so hot," Unicorn went on. "To me, he looks kinda girly. But he had two series on the Disney Channel and some concert tours and stuff, and apparently twelve-year-olds lose their minds over him. Go figure. And then the rumors started."
Megan glanced over curiously. "Is this cannibal cult public knowledge?"
"Not really, just show biz gossip. You know, this producer is a pedophile and that actress snorts Drano, you know, the usual. Everyone thinks it's kind of a publicity riff, maybe he has a new horror movie coming out? But our captain thinks otherwise."
By now, it was getting dark enough that the stars were becoming visible overhead. It was a clear October night without clouds and only a sliver of a crescent moon on the horizon. "We should unroll our blankets and settle in, eh?"
"Yes, I agree," the Trom Girl said absently. "Ashley, you are very brave by Human standards. We are deliberately placing our selves in a dangerous situation which most would find horrifying and you are relaxed enough to wisecrack."
The little blonde started digging in her knapsack and came up with some chewing gum. "Aw, I was raised to be the second Unicorn by my mom. She had me running around in other realms and tangling with all kinds of monsters as soon as I could walk. Want a stick? It's sugarless."
Megan stood up smoothly, head cocked to one side. "Something is approaching from the west. Forty meters away, moving slowly. I judge it is a Human attempting to be stealthy but the dry vegetation makes that difficult."
The Unicorn came over to stand next to her, hiking up her jeans over her narrow hips. "Great. Now remember, we're supposed to be helpless widdle girls and not the world-class fighting machines we are."
With an increasing rustle, a rather short and slightly built young man broke the brush. "Hello! Hi, maybe you ladies can help me?" He was wearing hiking boots, camo pants and a baggy white-shirt. Curly brown hair and a bland, friendly face added to the harmless impression he made.
"Yeah, that's what guys always ask," Ashley scoffed. Then, as the man stepped closer, she grinned. "Shiloh Veele? Really? Out here in the wilderness?" She suddenly grabbed her friend by the arm. "Don't you see the blood on his face? My God, there's blood everywhere!"
( the rest of the story )