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"What Makes You Think I Am Here Now?"

4/26/2016

I.

Between the overwhelming joy of her first real date with Evan and all the sensory stimulation of the Battle of the Bands, Gabby had almost forgotten about her sarcastic robot.

A practically perfect late April afternoon, warm but not TOO warm, sunny and breezy, with all the trees around Geischen Park in full bloom, provided the best setting she could have asked for. In the corners of the Park, four bands have been set up and were blasting away. Her favorite was Thunderstorm In Your Eyes, the Scarab tribute band, but the lite-rap Uncooperative wasn't bad and she was warming up to even the genre she liked least, the death metal group Smegma. She hadn't given the once famous but now sadly declined Country Western singer Margarita Melanie a chance yet. With Evan close at hand, she wandered from one band to the next. Each group had collected a stable core audience. Most of the crowd was wandering about at random as different songs caught their ear or they spotted people they knew.

Everything was adding up to her bliss. Gabby had gone to the trouble of having her admittedly frizzy brown hair tamed and styled the day before. She had on her absolute favorite purple jeans, the white linen blouse with the puffy sleeves and the most comfortable sneakers she owned. At five one and maybe a bit too thin for best pulchritude, Gabby was very appealing without being a head-turning stunner. She kept glancing up to see cute guys smiling at her. It was great. So far she had only finished one of the red Solo cups of beer and nibbled on one stick of very salty dried beef but the day was early.

Evan was even shouldering her admittedly heavy overloaded handbag, the brown leather one with the gold chain. He was tall and thin in tight pants and a black T-shirt over a long-sleeved white pullover. Between the tight buzzcut of black hair, the warm brown eyes and lopsided smile, he was having no trouble winning her over. So far, they were still in a get acquainted phase but she felt that was about to change for the better. "Hey, notice something about that bathtub?"

That puzzled her. A row of Porta-Johnnies had been set up, with the expected lines in front of each. On top of a white shed which looked like it would contain lawnmowers and yard tools, someone had hoisted a full sized bathtub. A hand-lettered sign read TOSS YOUR CHANGE UP HERE. Many in the crowd were already blazed enough that they cheerfully were flinging any coins they had put into the tub.

"I don't understand, " she said after a moment. "What do you win?"

"That's what makes me laugh. It doesn't say you win anything. It just says to throw your money up there."

"Oh. Oh-hoh-hoh, I get it," Gabby chortled. "After the concert, they climb up there and collect a nice amount of cash they got for free. Oh, that's diabolical."

"Thank you, thank you," the singer for Thunderstorm In Your Eyes announced over the speakers with a squawk of feedback. "Great to see such a turnout. Remember, over at that booth, our manager is selling our T-shirts and CDs and other great stuff you can't live without a second later, so grab them up before they're all gone. And now, remember this one? A little dancin' anthem called 'Watching You Come Back'..."

As the band launched into the familiar number, a large percentage of the crowd did indeed start to dance. The smell of spilled beer and the pong of pot being smoked behind the trees seemed such an inevitable accompaniment to that music that Gabby grinned at the odor. The aroma of old school rock, she thought.

But, as before, remembering her Infiltrator robot brought her attitude crashing down again. Built by the remnants of the John Grim criminal empire, the Infiltrator been constructed to look and sound exactly like her. True, its original agenda of assassination had been reprogrammed so thoroughly that the robot was no danger physically... but somehow its innate aggressiveness had found a new outlet in sarcasm of the most insolent kind. Lately, the constant snide remarks had been turning into rather surreal random observations. Gabby had been forced to argue with her Infiltrator and order it sternly to remain behind in Manhattan and not attempt to get in Evan's car with them for the ride up here.

What kept popping up in Gabby's thoughts was that she had forgotten to take the keys to her own car with her....


II.

An hour later, Gabby admitted those hot dogs had been a mistake. Soft and squishy and cheap. What had possessed her to eat a second one? Sure enough, the twinge in her lower abdomen warned that the dogs had passed right through her digestive system and were screaming to escape. Drat.

"Hey, Evan," she said right into his ear over the thunder of the music, "I'm gonna have to wait in line for a while. We can text to find each other, right?"

"Oh yeah, sure," he said amiably enough. "I'm going to probably be over by Smegma. They seem to be starting a light show of some kind. See you there."

This line looks like hopeless, she thought as she glumly got into last place. At least they're unisex portos, I'd hate to see the lines if only half were for girls...

Roaming through the crowd, Evan Stokes was a little surprised he still had not run into anyone he knew. Several of the guys at work had been talking about the Battle of the Bands. He checked out a booth that was selling replicas of fantasy role-playing weapons, longswords and maces and a couple of helmets with spikes on top. All plastic or cheap harmless metal, of course. Evan poked around a bin filled with little pewter figures of wizards, goblins and dragons without any intention of buying some.

He felt comfortable with Gabby. She was easy to get along with. True, he had only known her a few months at Stonypoint classes but the girl seemed like genuine and down to Earth, which suited him after all the melodrama he had survived from his last girlfriend.

Glancing up, he was surprised to see Gabby marching right at him. Already? "You okay?" he asked, "I thought you'd be waiting a lot longer." He straightened up, stretched and yawned.

"Careful, the vacuum might make your skull cave in," she said in the sweetest tone imaginable.

That hit Evan like an unexpected slap. Why had she said that? "What? Did I hear you right?"

"Nothing wrong with you that reincarnation can't help," she added and took his arm with a winsome smile. "Come on, let's go behind the bushes and make out like ferrets in heat."

"Gabby!" squeaked Evan in genuine alarm. This did not sound like her at all. Behind the over-sized round-rimmed glasses, those brown eyes were as warm and friendly as ever. But the things she was saying...

"You want to get right to the hot sweaty sex where we walk funny afterwards?" she asked. "I don't know, it's a bit too public for that."

Evan did not draw away as Gabby tugged him toward the corner of the field where steel guitar and banjo were backing up Margarita Melanie. Now hitting fifty, she was probably older than anyone in the crowd, but she was having a great time and it showed. "You came home Monday night and thought it was Sunday morning..." she sang.

"You can tell she's frigid," Gabby offered. "I bet she feels threatened by YIELD signs."

For a long breathless moment, Evan did not have the slightest idea how to react. Gabby could be funny sometimes in conversation but in a dry, understated way. He had never imagined her talking this way. "Ummm... I don't think I want any more beer. How about you?" he asked, praying that she would turn down another glass.

But she didn't seem to have heard him. She had her head turned far around to gaze down her own back. "Check me out. Behind every beautiful woman is a beautiful behind."

I might as well go along with this, Evan thought, maybe one or two beers is all it takes to set her off into whacko town. I might have to get used to it. "You do look great, Gabby."

"I know, right! Uh-oh, be right back!" And with that, she plunged into the crowd and was weaving in and out without even brushing up against anyone.

With cold despair sinking into his chest, Evan worried what he would do if she didn't come back. A terrifying vision of having to report a missing person, of police being suspicious that he had done something to her, even of those police listening to her remarks and taking her in to a psych ward. And the day had been going so well, too. But at that instant, Gabby wriggled through the crowd toward him from a completely different direction. What was going on? Had she run in a circle to come at him from behind?

"Hey, there you are!" she said. "What a beautiful day, huh? You want to sit down somewhere and talk for a few minutes?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?" Evan studied that cute little face in complete confusion. He had known people with mood swings but nothing like this. As she took his hand and led him over to where the long trunk of a fallen tree had made a natural bench, Gabby seemed as sweet and soft-spoken as all the times he had run into her between classes at the college. Very strange.

They found room on the horizontal tree and she leaned up against him a little. "I wanted to say how glad I am we're finally getting to spend some time together. Maybe we can leave a little early and stop somewhere on the way home for a quick bite, what do you think?"

"Sure, that sounds good," he agreed. Seeing that she seemed to be acting normally again was a huge relief. "Usually my friends and I stay at these things too long and only get going when we're too tired and cranky."

Gabby was smiling, drawing closer, tilting her face up. She obviously wanted him to kiss her and Evan only hesitated for an instant. It was a soft gentle little kiss that didn't linger too long before she leaned back again and said, "I took forever to start talking to you. I used to see you in the halls with your backpack full of books and I would start to wave but somehow you always seemed too busy."

"That's funny," he said. "Same here. I'd be trying to get to the next class all the way across campus and I'd be thinking, who IS that pretty girl?"

That made her laugh. "Well, we're getting to know each other now." She broke off and her smile vanished. "Oh. Hi, Megan."

Evan swung around to see the young woman who had approached them. She seemed to be about thirty, good-looking in an unobtrusive way with thick short black hair and a kind of inquisitive foxy face. A teacher maybe? Gabby's boss from that bistro where she worked part-time? Evan was sure he'd never seen this 'Megan' before. Megan was wearing heavy boots, tight pants and a waist-length jacket of some sort of leather, all black. Kind of sexy, to be honest, he thought.

"We have to confer," the woman said, gesturing for Gabby to rise. Seeing the stricken expression on Evan's face, Megan gave him a reassuring nod. "This is nothing bad. Gabby is not in any trouble."

Tapping him lightly on the shoulder, Gabby said, "Honestly, this will only take a sec. I'm so sorry, be right back." As the two women hurried away, he could hear Megan say something like "The unit took your car." What was that all about?

Then, as soon as he lost sight of the two, Gabby's voice came from right behind him. "Do you think cows look forward to giving milk?"


III.

Evan yelped and nearly fell off the tree trunk. How had she come up from that direction so quickly. Where had happened to the other woman. "Uh," was all he could say at first but then he went on, "What happened to your friend Megan?"

"THAT drag? We need her like a fish needs a bicycle. Come on, time to dance."

Evan actually found himself scanning the crowd and hoping to spot the woman who had come to talk to Gabby. Suddenly he wondered if she might be Gabby's therapist or something, this behavior was like nothing he'd ever heard of before.

They were back by the Scarab tribute band. Evan knew he was not a good dancer but he figured it didn't really matter because everyone watched the girls anyway. Gabby's face relaxed into a rather serene half-smile as she danced with effortless fluid smoothness. Evan wondered if she practiced a lot, it seemed so easy for her.

But as he was starting to relax, she leaned in closer and said, "See that redhead there? I bet she can't get new shoes because blacksmiths are so hard to find these days. "


Stuck with absolutely no reply coming to mind, he just nodded and kept dancing. When the song ended and that part of the crowd was whistling and cheering, Gabby grabbed him by one arm and hustled him toward the woods by the edge of the park. He had the strangest impression she could have picked him up and carried him under one arm, her grip felt so strong.

Stepping out from behind a trio of young birch trees, Megan said, "Protocol Eleven, immediate standby!" and Gabby froze into position where she was, not even lowering her arms.

"I am going to freak the freak out in a second," Evan announced. He managed to get his arm free.

"You deserve an explanation," the woman Megan said. "Please remain calm and come back here."

Lowering his voice as he moved away from his apparently paralyzed date, Evan whispered, "Does she have that Multiple Personality Disorder? I was reading about it. "

"No. Gabby is as well-integrated psychologically as the average Human, for what that's worth. But you have been socializing with Elspeth. THIS is Gabby."

From behind the cluster of trees emerged a second Gabrielle Elizabeth Marchetti, identical down to the last eyelash with the one who stood remained motionless where she had been left.

IV.

Evan made a few completely incoherent noises before giving up.

The second Gabby shuffled her feet and seemed to be studying the ground rather than wanting to look up at him. "Sorry.. " she said in the tiniest voice possible.

"Identical twins?! I have never in my life known actual twins. It's amazing. No wonder I couldn't figure out what was going on."

"She's kind of an instigator," Gabby volunteered. "You have to get used to her sense of humor."

"Tell me about it," said Evan.

Megan had been standing with arms folded across her chest. Now she clapped her hands sharply. "Protocol Twenty-five. Unit Elspeth, report by me."


Remaining silent, the girl now identified as 'Elspeth ' marched over and came to a halt near them.

"This is inconvenient," Megan said. "Archie is waiting in my Jeep. He will drive it back down to the city while I escort Elspeth in your car. She wouldn't have harmed you, young man, She merely likes to, how can I put it, stir things up."

"She sure has made my life more interesting." Gabby sounded quite demoralized. "Evan, are we still hanging out together today? I'd understand if you didn't want me to stick around."

To his credit, Evan didn't hesitate. "Of course I still want you to stay with me. The bands are just starting to warm up. And I guess we have some stuff to talk about?"

For the first time since she had been exposed, Elspeth spoke. "I will stay too. That fried dough looks like some empty carbohydrates worth ingesting."


With the finality of a judge, Megan said, "No. You are returning to Manhattan with me for some analysis. You were not supposed to be here."

Elspeth tilted her head. "What Makes You Think I am here now?"

11/21/2022

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