"Boss, That Dog Just Ate My Gun!"
Mar. 9th, 2025 06:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dochermes"Boss, That Dog Just Ate My Gun"
10/9/2021
I
Everyone gasped when Galvan broke his cane over the little dog's head. Not that the dog seemed to mind. He resembled a short haired terrier, tan and white, not more than a year old. The thick cane snapped cleanly as it came down hard across his skull.
"Oh my God!" yelled Timothy Limbo, diving off the couch to kneel in front of the puppy, who happily greeted him with tail wagging. "He's not hurt?"
Picking up the broken piece of the cane, Galvan laughed. He looked like the classic stereotype of a lumberjack, a huge burly man in work boots, tough pants and plaid flannel shirt. The curly brown hair and beard, the blindingly white teeth and the deep baritone voice completed the image. "Oh, Tim, you don't think I'd hurt my Bruno, do you?"
"No, no, of course not but..." At this point, the dog had evidently accepted Tim as his new best friend and was licking Tim's hands with enthusiasm.
Watching from the doorway, Ashley Whitaker laughed. "That's the toughest Jack Russell ever! I didn't know that even Melgar dogs were superhuman errr supercanine." The little platinum blonde dropped to her knees next to Tim and started cooing, "Who's a good boy, yes you are..."
Galvan pulled over a chair for himself. "He really likes you two. I'm glad. Melgar fox-hunter dogs are friendly and good-natured but I didn't expect him to warm up to strangers so quickly."
Tearing himself away from the pup, Timothy reached over to grin at his teammate. "Tell you a secret? It's the Tagra tea diet we're on. Tel Shai knights have a clean mint odor that animals love. Even predators tend to disregard us unless we provoke them. We're like, well, dognip if there is such thing."
"TIM-othy!" objected the Unicorn, who had both arms around the dog at this point and was carrying him around. "It's because dogs are excellent judges of character! Bruno can tell we are just wonderful people."
"But hold on, since when did you have an invulnerable dog?" asked Tim. "I think I'd remember you telling us about that."
"This is something new," Galvan told him. "You know how roughly each generation of Melgarin has a boy or girl born with the Legacy of Malberon? How we develop strength and resilience beyond what flesh and blood can bear without a gralic charge? Valera was the last such heir and she was born in 1940..."
"Wait, Valera is eighty years old?! I'd swear she was maybe thirty at the most?" protested the Unicorn.
"Our average lifespan is greater than yours," Galvan said. "So, my people expected a new heir to the Legacy in a decade or two. Then, a goatherd named Berenthir saw his new puppy knock down a split-rail gate to chase a squirrel. Somehow, Bruno has inherited the Legacy."
Ashley bent over and lowered Bruno to the floor. "Ummm, I'm cuddling an animal that can bite through granite...?"
"It's fine, it's fine," Galvan assured her, scratching the dog behind one ear. "Bruno's a good boy. Right, my friend? Melgar hounds are well-behaved."
Timothy Limbo had dropped down on the end of the brown leather couch. Bruno came over to sit next to him, resting his muzzle on Tim's knee and gazing up with adoring eyes. "So, Galvan, as much as your doggo has won our hearts, is there some reason you brought him here today?"
"I'm afraid so," the giant Melgar admitted. "Bruno is official a ward of the Androval court. Since I have my time occupied with my wife and our new son, King Holmir has decided that Sulak should take charge of the pup. But, as you might expect, Sulak is not to be found. He was last known to be in the Northwest Mountains fighting Trolls. My king has charged me with finding Sulak and dragging him back to Androval to take care of Bruno here."
Ashley had remained standing, resting one slim hip on the edge of Sable's desk. "Hey... wait a minute..."
"Obedient and good-natured Bruno may be, yet he is still a dog and prone to sudden enthusiasm," said Galvan. "Except for Sulak, Valera and myself, he is the strongest living creature in any realm. But I have one friend who is able to watch him safely."
The petite blonde waved an index finger from side to side in denial. "Oh no. I'm not dog sitting something that can knock a house down. Take him with you."
"With your sacred Horn, you can damp the gralic charge from his body. He will be a normal playful dog for an hour while the Unicorn spell lasts." Galvan rose to his feet, towering six inches over six feet tall and massing nearly three hundred pounds of hard muscle. Mild as his demeanor was, his sheer presence was intimidating. "I knew I could count on you, Ashley. And you as well, Tim. Bruno...Stay!"
With that the Melgar champion simply left the room and was out the front door before the Unicorn could muster an objection. For once, her glibness failed her. She crossed over to sit next to Timothy and asked, "Why didn't you say anything to stop him?"
"Hmm? I was feeding Bruno a pepperoni Slim Jim. He likes it. Say, did Galvan say if he was housebroken?"
II.
The KDF Headquarters building was empty except for Tim and Ashley. The rest of the team was widely scattered at the moment. Their captain Sable was on personal leave day, visiting her family in Vermont. This was not an emergency worth pestering her about. Jocelyn Garimara was scheduled to come on duty at eleven that night and they could have contacted her about coming in early, but Tim and Ashley agreed that the situation didn't seem that urgent.
Going up to her rooms on the third floor, Unicorn came down with a white leather sheath three feet long. She unsnapped the silver cap on one end and drew out a gorgeous ivory-hued spiral horn that came to a needle-sharp point at one end. With the curiosity he showed toward nearly everything, Bruno sniffed and licked and examined the Unicorn horn at length until he seemed satisfied.
"Better step back, Tim, I don't want this to affect you," Ashley warned. She raised the ancient talisman overhead and sang out, "With this horn I remove thy power!"
Bruno gave a sharp yip in answer, seeming pleased by the ceremony.
"So... for the next hour or two, he'll be a normal flesh and blood doggie," said Ashley. "It's not like there's a timer going, of course, the effect depends on how much gralic force is being dispersed. So we need to keep an eye on his behavior."
"You know, Ash, he looks just like a terrier to me and he's got as much liveliness," Tim said. "He needs a good brisk walk to blow off some steam." He picked up the braided leather leash which Galvan had left and attached it to Bruno's collar.
"Which brings up a less enjoyable chore," grumbled the Unicorn. She dug around in a cabinet and came up with some clear plastic bags. "We have these for evidence at crime scenes but I don't remember ever seeing a pooper scooper anywhere in the building. Wait. There's an old short handled whisk broom in this closet, I guess that'll do."
Timothy was wearing his usual outfit of biker boots, well-worn jeans and plain white T-shirt. He picked up his black leather jacket, which had no decorations or patches on it, and tugged it on. Hanging over a chair was a thin belt with a snap-on holster holding one of the anesthetic dart guns. He fastened this on so that the weapon was horizontal above his belt in the rear, concealed by the jacket. "I've got the usual gadgets and tools loaded up, how about you?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. This windbreaker is really too thin to hide a dart gun." For once, Ashley Whitaker was not dressed in all white. She was wearing plain black sneakers, dark jeans and a bright red pullover shirt with a crewneck collar. The white windbreaker had red trim on collars and cuffs. "But I do have the Trom armor on under my clothes and all the other teeny little gizmos. And of course I'm bringing my Horn."
Timothy asked, "Go for a walk? Go for a walk?" and burst into laughter at how excitedly Bruno leaped up and down. "I'll take that for a yes."
As they moved down the seven stone steps to the sidewalk, the front door of the KDF building clicked and buzzed as Trom alarms armed themselves. A sunny, breezy afternoon in early October greeted them, just a touch chilly and refreshing. Bruno immediately lost his mind. He started sniffing loudly at everything they passed as they began walking north up Lexington Avenue. Passers-by grinned at the young couple walking their enthusiastic pup, and all the smiles cheered up Tim to the core.
Within a few blocks, they were gazing up at the Chrysler Building's spire gleaming in the sunlight. "Bruno has been a good boy," Tim said. "He's not pulling that hard and he's hardly barked at all."
"I'm keeping an eye on the time, though," Unicorn reminded him. "Another half hour and he needs another zap from the Horn."
On the corner was a red and green vendor cart and Timothy headed for it. "He deserves a treat, agreed?" Where he ordered a hot dog with just mustard, Ashley wanted one covered with mustard, ketchup, relish, pickles and onions.
"Are you sure there's a hot dog under all that?" Tim asked.
"Glub," was all she could manage to say while eating.
They handed Bruno a plain wiener without a bun, and the pup snarfed it down in two bites. He licked his muzzle and thumped his tail on the sidewalk.
As relaxed and casual as they seemed to be, both Ashley and Tim's Kumundu training was always in full force. Their awareness was in constant motion, scanning everyone who passed, noticing every vehicle in sight, fully aware of possible dangers. This was so ingrained that they could not have turned it off. When the black Subaru Forester eased over to the curb ten feet away from them, they both had already been watching it with deep suspicion. Ashley and Tim shifted so that they were facing the SUV at different angles, ready to move in any direction.
A huge man in a dark business suit and opaque sunglasses stepped out of the front passenger seat and approached. He was careful to show his open hands and to keep his expression neutral. The implied threat came from the visible bulge on the right side of his waistband under the jacket, unmistakably a handgun. When he was close enough to be heard in a low tone, he said, "My boss wants to meet with you."
The Unicorn dabbed her perfect lips with a napkin. "Lots of bosses want to meet with us, my friend."
"Understand, I'm not threatening you. I'm merely extending an urgent invitation. Gunfire on a crowded street always ends up with dead bystanders. Neither of us wants that."
"At least give us a name," Tim said.
The big man seemed to let a faint smile escape his control. "Pumpkin-Face."
III.
Upstairs at the GREEN SHAMROCK restaurant, the office was uncluttered to the point of seeming minimalist. The wood-paneled walls were undecorated. Light came from a single lamp on the bare mahogany desk. The only other furnishings were five plain wooden chairs, on two of which sat Timothy and Ashley, with the dog Bruno sitting compliantly at their feet. The three gunmen loomed up behind Tim and Unicorn, deliberately close to be more menacing.
Filling an oversized easy chair behind the desk was a flamboyant figure of a huge woman.
Pumpkin-face. She was morbidly obese, six feet tall and weighing a minimum of three hundred and sixty pounds in bright yellow sweatshirt and black yoga tights that were stretched so far the fabric seemed ready to fail. Grotesquely, the small piggy eyes, snub nose and pursed mouth were in the center of a round moonface in a head big as a pumpkin. Some medical condition, possibly a type of jaundice, had left her skin a deep orange and this made her nickname almost inevitable. Thinning brown hair was pulled up in a bun.
In front of her on the desk was Tim's anesthetic dart gun with its needle-thin barrel, as well as their Links and a few more of the miniature devices confiscated off them.
The Unicorn immediately said, "Yellow is so not your color. You should try warm Earth colors, like rust or dark olive green..."
"Quiet," snapped the woman. "None of your sass, girlie. You two are in deep trouble."
"We usually are," Ashley replied cheerfully enough. "Anything in particular right now?"
Those tiny eyes narrowed until they were hidden between fatty folds. "Yeah. Someone special is coming to town. He's expected to breeze in and out, he just wants to pick up some loot he stashed a few years ago and then he's supposed to move on without making a scene."
Absently, Tim scratched Bruno behind one ear and the dog leaned up against him. "Oh, I get it. You're worried we might try to nab him. Why? What makes this guy so special that you're worried about getting his attention?"
"It's Sepulchre!"
That name made the room seem colder. Even the three thugs in the background tensed up.
"Yeah, he IS a maniac like no other," Tim admitted. "Other serial killers are afraid of him. But, even so, if he's going to be in the area, we'll go after him. He's wanted in eight different states. The FBI has a task force set up just for him. The KDF is not going to hold our breath and let him wander into Manhattan as he pleases."
Pumpkin-face grinned, not a charming sight. "That's why I'm holding you two for the next few days. The Pelican told me that you two happen to be the only KDF members who can't shoot lightning from your chest or rip a safe open with your hands. Blondie here has no special powers, she only has that horn that takes away powers, so she's useless against normal flesh and blood people. And this guy in the biker outfit can create little blurry things. Big deal. Once you know about them, they can't scare you."
Tim's normally easy-going voice changed. "You're making a big mistake."
The huge woman shifted her bulk, seemingly never able to be comfortable. "Yeah, well, I'm not happy about it. Last thing I want is to have your friend the goddam Dire Wolf mad at me. Or that Blind Archer. Jeez! But we all talked it over. Pete and Repeat, Casey Strangle, Brokeface, the Punster and I drew the short straw. Relax. You'll be fed. There's a bathroom. Once Sepulchre is reported out of the city, you'll be let go and I will go on a long trip."
Bruno sat up, glancing back and forth between Ashley and Tim, sensing the sudden tension in their bodies. Seeing this, Pumpkin-face laughed. "That gives me another idea. Jake, take that mutt in the side room and keep an eye on him. If these two try anything cute, take it out on the dog." She slapped a meaty paw on the bare desk in front of her. "My boys are heartless like nobody's business. They'd skin your dog alive with no trouble."
The goon called Jake snatched the end of Bruno's leash from Tim and tugged on it. The little dog planted himself and refused to move. Pulling harder produced no results. Finally, Jake muttered, "Stubborn little joker, huh?" and simply picked Bruno up bodily and carried him into the adjoining room, closing the door behind them.
Unnoticed by anyone there, Ashley and Timothy exchanged knowing winks.
"So, anyway, would you happen to have a chess set handy?" asked the Unicorn.
Pumpkin-face scowled. She wasn't sure if this skinny little blonde was covering up fear with false bravado or what. "You're just gonna have to be bored. Before the restaurant cleans up tonight, I'll have them bring up some plates of whatever's gonna be thrown out." She added with a grunt, "Food here is decent."
From the adjoining room, they could hear Jake snap, "Don't you growl at me! I'll crack you good." Then there were odd struggling sounds and a loud crunching. "Boss! Boss, that dog ate my gun!"
IV.
Many events rushed by in the next few seconds. Pumpkin-face heaved her huge bulk up behind her desk, opening her maw to yell. Jake leaped in from the adjoining room, slamming the door shut and leaning back against it. The other two gunmen swung around from behind Ashley and Timothy, reaching in their belts for their own weapons.
Then the door crashed off its hinges entirely, pinning Jake beneath it as the small tan and white form of Bruno landed on top. The dog was not growling but grinning as if delighted at its own actions.
Reacting instantly to the distraction, Timothy snatched up his dart gun from the desk and wheeled around to send two of the darts into the necks of the two thugs. They gasped, but the potent drug disoriented them within a fifth of a second and they promptly fell face down with sodden thuds.
While all this was happening, the Unicorn hopped nimbly up onto the desk. She drew her right knee up to her chest and drove out a straight side kick that flung Pumpkin-face back so hard that her feet flew up in the air. The crash when she hit the floor raised dust from between the boards.
By the time three full seconds had passed, the situation had completely reversed itself. Two of the goons were snoring peacefully under the anesthetic effect. Jake was moaning under the detached door and seemingly not inclined to attempt struggling free.
Timothy was still holding the dart gun but his free hand was petting the excited Bruno, whose tail waved back and forth with great vigor. "Good dog!" Tim was saying, "You're the best, aren't you?"
With considerable difficulty, Pumpkin-face eventually managed to get into a seated position on the floor. She gripped the edges of the desk with her meaty paws and levered herself up into her chair. For the moment, she was trying too hard to catch her breath to say anything.
Ashley hopped down off the desk and began stowing the confiscated items back into their inner pockets of her windbreaker, handing some to Tim. "I love Bruno more than ever!" she said gleefully. "Tell Galvan WE'LL keep him!"
Reluctantly, Tim had flipped the door off Jake and was examining him. "Hurts when I touch here, huh? Sharp pain when you breathe? Okay, stay still. Don't try to move." He glanced over at the immense mastermind who was just getting her bearings. "I think he has a cracked rib, maybe two. Better get some EMTS here."
"And be sure to tell them a little Jack Russell terrier knocked him down with a door," laughed Unicorn. "They'll like hearing that. You'll be doing field sobriety tests."
The woman's cheeks had gone purple. Her blood pressure had to be critically high. "Enough! Enough, you have the upper hand. What are you going to do to me?"
Ashley was cuddling Bruno in her arms like a baby, the dog staring up at her face with adoration. "Well, we can charge you with abduction at gunpoint. Unlawful imprisonment. Those are major felonies. Tim, what do you think?"
"I don't think it's worth all the paperwork," he said. "Answering questions for hours, meeting with our lawyers, showing up in court in a suit and tie. Ugh. We're too busy for all that. Pumpkin-face, whatever your name is, I think we should just go about our business as if this never happened. Okay with that, Ash?"
"Fine with me. Lady, you better keep away from us in the future, though. Our other members are not as easy going as Tim and me. Demrak Jin would carve you up like a Jack-O-Lantern."
All the smugness and authority had drained from Pumpkin-face, leaving her deflated. "What the hell kind of dog IS that?"
"Bruno? He's just a good boy," smirked Unicorn. "You better pray you never meet my calico cat! She'll mess you up."
3/9/2025
10/9/2021
I
Everyone gasped when Galvan broke his cane over the little dog's head. Not that the dog seemed to mind. He resembled a short haired terrier, tan and white, not more than a year old. The thick cane snapped cleanly as it came down hard across his skull.
"Oh my God!" yelled Timothy Limbo, diving off the couch to kneel in front of the puppy, who happily greeted him with tail wagging. "He's not hurt?"
Picking up the broken piece of the cane, Galvan laughed. He looked like the classic stereotype of a lumberjack, a huge burly man in work boots, tough pants and plaid flannel shirt. The curly brown hair and beard, the blindingly white teeth and the deep baritone voice completed the image. "Oh, Tim, you don't think I'd hurt my Bruno, do you?"
"No, no, of course not but..." At this point, the dog had evidently accepted Tim as his new best friend and was licking Tim's hands with enthusiasm.
Watching from the doorway, Ashley Whitaker laughed. "That's the toughest Jack Russell ever! I didn't know that even Melgar dogs were superhuman errr supercanine." The little platinum blonde dropped to her knees next to Tim and started cooing, "Who's a good boy, yes you are..."
Galvan pulled over a chair for himself. "He really likes you two. I'm glad. Melgar fox-hunter dogs are friendly and good-natured but I didn't expect him to warm up to strangers so quickly."
Tearing himself away from the pup, Timothy reached over to grin at his teammate. "Tell you a secret? It's the Tagra tea diet we're on. Tel Shai knights have a clean mint odor that animals love. Even predators tend to disregard us unless we provoke them. We're like, well, dognip if there is such thing."
"TIM-othy!" objected the Unicorn, who had both arms around the dog at this point and was carrying him around. "It's because dogs are excellent judges of character! Bruno can tell we are just wonderful people."
"But hold on, since when did you have an invulnerable dog?" asked Tim. "I think I'd remember you telling us about that."
"This is something new," Galvan told him. "You know how roughly each generation of Melgarin has a boy or girl born with the Legacy of Malberon? How we develop strength and resilience beyond what flesh and blood can bear without a gralic charge? Valera was the last such heir and she was born in 1940..."
"Wait, Valera is eighty years old?! I'd swear she was maybe thirty at the most?" protested the Unicorn.
"Our average lifespan is greater than yours," Galvan said. "So, my people expected a new heir to the Legacy in a decade or two. Then, a goatherd named Berenthir saw his new puppy knock down a split-rail gate to chase a squirrel. Somehow, Bruno has inherited the Legacy."
Ashley bent over and lowered Bruno to the floor. "Ummm, I'm cuddling an animal that can bite through granite...?"
"It's fine, it's fine," Galvan assured her, scratching the dog behind one ear. "Bruno's a good boy. Right, my friend? Melgar hounds are well-behaved."
Timothy Limbo had dropped down on the end of the brown leather couch. Bruno came over to sit next to him, resting his muzzle on Tim's knee and gazing up with adoring eyes. "So, Galvan, as much as your doggo has won our hearts, is there some reason you brought him here today?"
"I'm afraid so," the giant Melgar admitted. "Bruno is official a ward of the Androval court. Since I have my time occupied with my wife and our new son, King Holmir has decided that Sulak should take charge of the pup. But, as you might expect, Sulak is not to be found. He was last known to be in the Northwest Mountains fighting Trolls. My king has charged me with finding Sulak and dragging him back to Androval to take care of Bruno here."
Ashley had remained standing, resting one slim hip on the edge of Sable's desk. "Hey... wait a minute..."
"Obedient and good-natured Bruno may be, yet he is still a dog and prone to sudden enthusiasm," said Galvan. "Except for Sulak, Valera and myself, he is the strongest living creature in any realm. But I have one friend who is able to watch him safely."
The petite blonde waved an index finger from side to side in denial. "Oh no. I'm not dog sitting something that can knock a house down. Take him with you."
"With your sacred Horn, you can damp the gralic charge from his body. He will be a normal playful dog for an hour while the Unicorn spell lasts." Galvan rose to his feet, towering six inches over six feet tall and massing nearly three hundred pounds of hard muscle. Mild as his demeanor was, his sheer presence was intimidating. "I knew I could count on you, Ashley. And you as well, Tim. Bruno...Stay!"
With that the Melgar champion simply left the room and was out the front door before the Unicorn could muster an objection. For once, her glibness failed her. She crossed over to sit next to Timothy and asked, "Why didn't you say anything to stop him?"
"Hmm? I was feeding Bruno a pepperoni Slim Jim. He likes it. Say, did Galvan say if he was housebroken?"
II.
The KDF Headquarters building was empty except for Tim and Ashley. The rest of the team was widely scattered at the moment. Their captain Sable was on personal leave day, visiting her family in Vermont. This was not an emergency worth pestering her about. Jocelyn Garimara was scheduled to come on duty at eleven that night and they could have contacted her about coming in early, but Tim and Ashley agreed that the situation didn't seem that urgent.
Going up to her rooms on the third floor, Unicorn came down with a white leather sheath three feet long. She unsnapped the silver cap on one end and drew out a gorgeous ivory-hued spiral horn that came to a needle-sharp point at one end. With the curiosity he showed toward nearly everything, Bruno sniffed and licked and examined the Unicorn horn at length until he seemed satisfied.
"Better step back, Tim, I don't want this to affect you," Ashley warned. She raised the ancient talisman overhead and sang out, "With this horn I remove thy power!"
Bruno gave a sharp yip in answer, seeming pleased by the ceremony.
"So... for the next hour or two, he'll be a normal flesh and blood doggie," said Ashley. "It's not like there's a timer going, of course, the effect depends on how much gralic force is being dispersed. So we need to keep an eye on his behavior."
"You know, Ash, he looks just like a terrier to me and he's got as much liveliness," Tim said. "He needs a good brisk walk to blow off some steam." He picked up the braided leather leash which Galvan had left and attached it to Bruno's collar.
"Which brings up a less enjoyable chore," grumbled the Unicorn. She dug around in a cabinet and came up with some clear plastic bags. "We have these for evidence at crime scenes but I don't remember ever seeing a pooper scooper anywhere in the building. Wait. There's an old short handled whisk broom in this closet, I guess that'll do."
Timothy was wearing his usual outfit of biker boots, well-worn jeans and plain white T-shirt. He picked up his black leather jacket, which had no decorations or patches on it, and tugged it on. Hanging over a chair was a thin belt with a snap-on holster holding one of the anesthetic dart guns. He fastened this on so that the weapon was horizontal above his belt in the rear, concealed by the jacket. "I've got the usual gadgets and tools loaded up, how about you?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. This windbreaker is really too thin to hide a dart gun." For once, Ashley Whitaker was not dressed in all white. She was wearing plain black sneakers, dark jeans and a bright red pullover shirt with a crewneck collar. The white windbreaker had red trim on collars and cuffs. "But I do have the Trom armor on under my clothes and all the other teeny little gizmos. And of course I'm bringing my Horn."
Timothy asked, "Go for a walk? Go for a walk?" and burst into laughter at how excitedly Bruno leaped up and down. "I'll take that for a yes."
As they moved down the seven stone steps to the sidewalk, the front door of the KDF building clicked and buzzed as Trom alarms armed themselves. A sunny, breezy afternoon in early October greeted them, just a touch chilly and refreshing. Bruno immediately lost his mind. He started sniffing loudly at everything they passed as they began walking north up Lexington Avenue. Passers-by grinned at the young couple walking their enthusiastic pup, and all the smiles cheered up Tim to the core.
Within a few blocks, they were gazing up at the Chrysler Building's spire gleaming in the sunlight. "Bruno has been a good boy," Tim said. "He's not pulling that hard and he's hardly barked at all."
"I'm keeping an eye on the time, though," Unicorn reminded him. "Another half hour and he needs another zap from the Horn."
On the corner was a red and green vendor cart and Timothy headed for it. "He deserves a treat, agreed?" Where he ordered a hot dog with just mustard, Ashley wanted one covered with mustard, ketchup, relish, pickles and onions.
"Are you sure there's a hot dog under all that?" Tim asked.
"Glub," was all she could manage to say while eating.
They handed Bruno a plain wiener without a bun, and the pup snarfed it down in two bites. He licked his muzzle and thumped his tail on the sidewalk.
As relaxed and casual as they seemed to be, both Ashley and Tim's Kumundu training was always in full force. Their awareness was in constant motion, scanning everyone who passed, noticing every vehicle in sight, fully aware of possible dangers. This was so ingrained that they could not have turned it off. When the black Subaru Forester eased over to the curb ten feet away from them, they both had already been watching it with deep suspicion. Ashley and Tim shifted so that they were facing the SUV at different angles, ready to move in any direction.
A huge man in a dark business suit and opaque sunglasses stepped out of the front passenger seat and approached. He was careful to show his open hands and to keep his expression neutral. The implied threat came from the visible bulge on the right side of his waistband under the jacket, unmistakably a handgun. When he was close enough to be heard in a low tone, he said, "My boss wants to meet with you."
The Unicorn dabbed her perfect lips with a napkin. "Lots of bosses want to meet with us, my friend."
"Understand, I'm not threatening you. I'm merely extending an urgent invitation. Gunfire on a crowded street always ends up with dead bystanders. Neither of us wants that."
"At least give us a name," Tim said.
The big man seemed to let a faint smile escape his control. "Pumpkin-Face."
III.
Upstairs at the GREEN SHAMROCK restaurant, the office was uncluttered to the point of seeming minimalist. The wood-paneled walls were undecorated. Light came from a single lamp on the bare mahogany desk. The only other furnishings were five plain wooden chairs, on two of which sat Timothy and Ashley, with the dog Bruno sitting compliantly at their feet. The three gunmen loomed up behind Tim and Unicorn, deliberately close to be more menacing.
Filling an oversized easy chair behind the desk was a flamboyant figure of a huge woman.
Pumpkin-face. She was morbidly obese, six feet tall and weighing a minimum of three hundred and sixty pounds in bright yellow sweatshirt and black yoga tights that were stretched so far the fabric seemed ready to fail. Grotesquely, the small piggy eyes, snub nose and pursed mouth were in the center of a round moonface in a head big as a pumpkin. Some medical condition, possibly a type of jaundice, had left her skin a deep orange and this made her nickname almost inevitable. Thinning brown hair was pulled up in a bun.
In front of her on the desk was Tim's anesthetic dart gun with its needle-thin barrel, as well as their Links and a few more of the miniature devices confiscated off them.
The Unicorn immediately said, "Yellow is so not your color. You should try warm Earth colors, like rust or dark olive green..."
"Quiet," snapped the woman. "None of your sass, girlie. You two are in deep trouble."
"We usually are," Ashley replied cheerfully enough. "Anything in particular right now?"
Those tiny eyes narrowed until they were hidden between fatty folds. "Yeah. Someone special is coming to town. He's expected to breeze in and out, he just wants to pick up some loot he stashed a few years ago and then he's supposed to move on without making a scene."
Absently, Tim scratched Bruno behind one ear and the dog leaned up against him. "Oh, I get it. You're worried we might try to nab him. Why? What makes this guy so special that you're worried about getting his attention?"
"It's Sepulchre!"
That name made the room seem colder. Even the three thugs in the background tensed up.
"Yeah, he IS a maniac like no other," Tim admitted. "Other serial killers are afraid of him. But, even so, if he's going to be in the area, we'll go after him. He's wanted in eight different states. The FBI has a task force set up just for him. The KDF is not going to hold our breath and let him wander into Manhattan as he pleases."
Pumpkin-face grinned, not a charming sight. "That's why I'm holding you two for the next few days. The Pelican told me that you two happen to be the only KDF members who can't shoot lightning from your chest or rip a safe open with your hands. Blondie here has no special powers, she only has that horn that takes away powers, so she's useless against normal flesh and blood people. And this guy in the biker outfit can create little blurry things. Big deal. Once you know about them, they can't scare you."
Tim's normally easy-going voice changed. "You're making a big mistake."
The huge woman shifted her bulk, seemingly never able to be comfortable. "Yeah, well, I'm not happy about it. Last thing I want is to have your friend the goddam Dire Wolf mad at me. Or that Blind Archer. Jeez! But we all talked it over. Pete and Repeat, Casey Strangle, Brokeface, the Punster and I drew the short straw. Relax. You'll be fed. There's a bathroom. Once Sepulchre is reported out of the city, you'll be let go and I will go on a long trip."
Bruno sat up, glancing back and forth between Ashley and Tim, sensing the sudden tension in their bodies. Seeing this, Pumpkin-face laughed. "That gives me another idea. Jake, take that mutt in the side room and keep an eye on him. If these two try anything cute, take it out on the dog." She slapped a meaty paw on the bare desk in front of her. "My boys are heartless like nobody's business. They'd skin your dog alive with no trouble."
The goon called Jake snatched the end of Bruno's leash from Tim and tugged on it. The little dog planted himself and refused to move. Pulling harder produced no results. Finally, Jake muttered, "Stubborn little joker, huh?" and simply picked Bruno up bodily and carried him into the adjoining room, closing the door behind them.
Unnoticed by anyone there, Ashley and Timothy exchanged knowing winks.
"So, anyway, would you happen to have a chess set handy?" asked the Unicorn.
Pumpkin-face scowled. She wasn't sure if this skinny little blonde was covering up fear with false bravado or what. "You're just gonna have to be bored. Before the restaurant cleans up tonight, I'll have them bring up some plates of whatever's gonna be thrown out." She added with a grunt, "Food here is decent."
From the adjoining room, they could hear Jake snap, "Don't you growl at me! I'll crack you good." Then there were odd struggling sounds and a loud crunching. "Boss! Boss, that dog ate my gun!"
IV.
Many events rushed by in the next few seconds. Pumpkin-face heaved her huge bulk up behind her desk, opening her maw to yell. Jake leaped in from the adjoining room, slamming the door shut and leaning back against it. The other two gunmen swung around from behind Ashley and Timothy, reaching in their belts for their own weapons.
Then the door crashed off its hinges entirely, pinning Jake beneath it as the small tan and white form of Bruno landed on top. The dog was not growling but grinning as if delighted at its own actions.
Reacting instantly to the distraction, Timothy snatched up his dart gun from the desk and wheeled around to send two of the darts into the necks of the two thugs. They gasped, but the potent drug disoriented them within a fifth of a second and they promptly fell face down with sodden thuds.
While all this was happening, the Unicorn hopped nimbly up onto the desk. She drew her right knee up to her chest and drove out a straight side kick that flung Pumpkin-face back so hard that her feet flew up in the air. The crash when she hit the floor raised dust from between the boards.
By the time three full seconds had passed, the situation had completely reversed itself. Two of the goons were snoring peacefully under the anesthetic effect. Jake was moaning under the detached door and seemingly not inclined to attempt struggling free.
Timothy was still holding the dart gun but his free hand was petting the excited Bruno, whose tail waved back and forth with great vigor. "Good dog!" Tim was saying, "You're the best, aren't you?"
With considerable difficulty, Pumpkin-face eventually managed to get into a seated position on the floor. She gripped the edges of the desk with her meaty paws and levered herself up into her chair. For the moment, she was trying too hard to catch her breath to say anything.
Ashley hopped down off the desk and began stowing the confiscated items back into their inner pockets of her windbreaker, handing some to Tim. "I love Bruno more than ever!" she said gleefully. "Tell Galvan WE'LL keep him!"
Reluctantly, Tim had flipped the door off Jake and was examining him. "Hurts when I touch here, huh? Sharp pain when you breathe? Okay, stay still. Don't try to move." He glanced over at the immense mastermind who was just getting her bearings. "I think he has a cracked rib, maybe two. Better get some EMTS here."
"And be sure to tell them a little Jack Russell terrier knocked him down with a door," laughed Unicorn. "They'll like hearing that. You'll be doing field sobriety tests."
The woman's cheeks had gone purple. Her blood pressure had to be critically high. "Enough! Enough, you have the upper hand. What are you going to do to me?"
Ashley was cuddling Bruno in her arms like a baby, the dog staring up at her face with adoration. "Well, we can charge you with abduction at gunpoint. Unlawful imprisonment. Those are major felonies. Tim, what do you think?"
"I don't think it's worth all the paperwork," he said. "Answering questions for hours, meeting with our lawyers, showing up in court in a suit and tie. Ugh. We're too busy for all that. Pumpkin-face, whatever your name is, I think we should just go about our business as if this never happened. Okay with that, Ash?"
"Fine with me. Lady, you better keep away from us in the future, though. Our other members are not as easy going as Tim and me. Demrak Jin would carve you up like a Jack-O-Lantern."
All the smugness and authority had drained from Pumpkin-face, leaving her deflated. "What the hell kind of dog IS that?"
"Bruno? He's just a good boy," smirked Unicorn. "You better pray you never meet my calico cat! She'll mess you up."
3/9/2025
Re: In solemn observance of today’s date…
Date: 2025-03-17 02:17 am (UTC)It does remind me how much I miss going to a diner after hearing a band or while on a roads trip, though. I don't think any of the local diners are even open overnight any more!
Re: In solemn observance of today’s date…
Date: 2025-03-17 02:51 am (UTC)DING DING DING! You apparently recognized a Caesar salad stuck full of knives. (Accommodating the puzzling but harmless whims of geezers is a requisite customer service skill in these parts, and so the restaurant staff humored me—and, in return, got a gratuitous history lesson.)
Re: In solemn observance of today’s date…
Date: 2025-03-17 05:53 am (UTC)